Activision has renewed its Illuminati membership after discovering that the secret society now offers automatic billing. In a candlelit chamber beneath an unremarkable business park, a delegation submitted the required paperwork, accepted a fresh triangular badge and asked whether the annual sacrifice could be claimed as an operating expense.
“We used to insist on a shadowy ritual,” said the society’s membership administrator. “Now most of it can be done through the portal. Please keep the receipt.”
The renewal grants access to a ceremonial robe, quarterly conspiracy briefings and a networking breakfast where publishers can discuss ways to charge customers without attracting quite so much attention. Members were disappointed to learn that control of world events requires the premium tier.
The delegation initially selected the basic plan, then discovered that it did not include use of the all-seeing eye. A separate vision pass is required to see everything, although members can preview a limited selection of things on alternate weekends. “We appreciate the clarity of the model,” a representative said. “You pay to join, then pay again to get the bit you thought joining included.”
The society denied responsibility for any particular game release, explaining that its influence had been greatly overstated by people unwilling to believe ordinary business decisions could produce these results.
Its administrator did confirm that the membership certificate is now digital. A printable version can be unlocked for a small additional fee. The delegation has requested six.
