Activision Renews Illuminati Membership

Activision Illumanati

This weekend, Activision have renewed their long term membership with the secret society. Activision have been an active, long-standing member of the dark and secret group, who have helped Activision to pull all the strings needed to destroy many game franchises over the years. Eric Hirshberg, CEO of Activision followed up saying.

Guitar Hero was an incredibly popular game franchise when we got the rights to it. We managed to milk it for ever penny it was worth and then shut down a studio of talented developers. Guitar Hero to Guitar Hobo in only 4 years! We couldn’t have done this without the help of our Illuminati brothers.

Activision have been compared to many satanic cults over the years so this membership makes a lot of sense for the game publisher. When asked how the company first joined the society, Eric had the following to say.

Activision came upon some hard times during the video game industry crash of 1983. We weren’t quite sure if we were going to make it out the other end, until one day we received a triangular envelope in the mail. I’m sure you can guess who it was from” he laughed. “Back then the membership cost us $8.99, so we said why not. We returned the envelope along with a vial of lambs blood and two months later they sent us back a membership scroll and an Illuminati sticker book.

The future for Activision is strong. We plan to start selling DLC packs for DLC very soon. This means people will have to buy our games and the games DLC to get access to the DLCs DLC. It’s quite genius if you ask me. We will keep doing this until we have fully burned Call of Duty to the ground.

Since this interview there have been reports that EA have also renewed their membership and plan to destroy the indie game industry with non-indie developed “indie games”. Who knows what will come next!

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