Video game satire and silly posts that I have created. Not quite the onion but all of these are just jokes. You have been warned in advance that nothing here is real or to be taken seriously.
If you are offended by things very easily, it might be best to avoid this section and maybe this entire site completely.
The world of Assassin's Creed is one fraught with perils, pitfalls, and enough hidden blades to make a FOMO-ridden millennial question their own blade-less existence. For players seeking the thrill of occupation as a digital assassin, nothing is more exhilarating than the delicate balance of stealth. Or at least, it would be, if not for the unwavering ability to trigger detection alarms akin to a teething toddler in a toy…
I'm thinking about buying Red Dead Online, but I want to know if I need PlayStation Plus to access it. I've seen mixed answers online, but I'd prefer some clarity since I don't trust everything I read from AI sources.
I'm on the hunt for a fun RPG that allows for character customization, where I can explore, complete quests, and gather unique rewards. My main requirement is that I'd like to have a space I can return to that's more than just a random location. It should feel like home, where I can store my loot and decorate using items I find during my adventures. I've enjoyed games like Skyrim,…
I'm about to jump into Elden Ring after finishing Expedition 33, and I've never played a soulslike game before, aside from diving into the first few minutes of *Bloodborne* and struggling. I've heard that Elden Ring might be friendlier for beginners, so I'm eager to start but want some advice before I do. I'm specifically looking for early build recommendations that can help me survive, as well as any other…
[Silicon Valley, CA] - In a shocking bombshell to gamers everywhere, it was unveiled today that the highly-anticipated backstory of the latest multiplayer shooter is, in fact, nothing more than a brief tip hollowly scattered across various loading screens. This...
In what can only be described as a groundbreaking discovery in the fields of self-delusion and predictable outcomes, local Elden Ring player Greg Henderson declared his intention to create a completely unique build. However, he has remarkably found himself right...
Virtual Identity Crisis Hits Hard In an event that blurs the line between dedication and digital imprisonment, local gamer Jake Patterson found himself yet again ensnared in the infinite possibilities of a character creation screen. Tragically, this marathon customization session...
In a display of unparalleled endurance and an apparent lack of spatial understanding, Wasteland wanderer and devoted loot enthusiast, Jake Aspinwall, has reportedly amassed a truly mind-boggling 7,000 pounds of miscellaneous junk while promising, yet again, to stop after "just...
In what experts in video game anthropology are calling a testament to human perseverance—and extreme hoarding—a local Fallout 4 player has managed to accumulate an impressive 7,000 pounds of junk, all while swearing to their followers that they were just...
A Startling Announcement Framed as a Triumph for Fan Engagement In an unprecedented move, game studio Thick-Skull Productions proudly announced the launch of a brand new battle royale mode for their latest role-playing game, Quest for the Imagination Slug, much...
In yet another comical series of misunderstandings in the vast world of Red Dead Online, our hapless cowboy protagonist, known only by the moniker BigIron47, found himself riding into the sun-streaked town of Valentine with the singular, friendly objective of...
The world of Assassin's Creed is one fraught with perils, pitfalls, and enough hidden blades to make a FOMO-ridden millennial question their own blade-less existence. For players seeking the thrill of occupation as a digital assassin, nothing is more exhilarating...
Jerktown, USA - In a stunning display of self-control so intense it borders on existential dread, local resident Ben "Backlog" Bibbington has proudly declared he will not succumb to the alluring temptation of shiny new video games until he completes...
In a stunning display of gratitude that left absolutely no one surprised, local merchant and non-playable character, Old Man Grumple, profusely thanked an adventurer for single-handedly saving the town of Everindale from a bloodthirsty horde of marauding bandits. Despite his...
