Tag: Valence Fusion

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Gaming Satire

Jerkburglars

Local Parents Blame GTA for Son’s Refusal to Have a Bath

November 3, 2026Dan0 comments

A local couple have identified the unlikely cause of their son’s refusal to have a bath: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

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Jerkburglars

“Deep Lore” in Multiplayer Shooter Revealed to Be Just Three Sentences on a Loading Screen

May 14, 2025Nerd Guest1 comment

The entire backstory of a multiplayer shooter whose fans have spent months reconstructing its ancient history has been confirmed to consist of three sentences on a loading screen. “The Great…

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Jerkburglars

Elden Ring Player Insists on Using Unique Build, Still Ends Up as a Strength-Faith Bonk Lord

April 30, 2025Adam West0 comments

Elden Ring player Greg Henderson has confirmed that his experimental poison-bow assassin is developing exactly as intended, despite now wearing heavy armour and carrying a hammer roughly the size of…

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Jerkburglars

Gamer Gets Stuck in Character Creator for So Long, Refund Timer Expires

April 23, 2025Adam West1 comment

Local gamer Jake Patterson has discovered he is no longer eligible for a refund on a fantasy RPG he insists he has not started playing, having spent the entire session…

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