Tag: Locked Gates

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Gaming Satire

“Deep Lore” in Multiplayer Shooter Revealed to Be Just Three Sentences on a Loading Screen

May 14, 2025Nerd Guest1 comment

[Silicon Valley, CA] – In a shocking bombshell to gamers everywhere, it was unveiled today that the highly-anticipated backstory of the latest multiplayer shooter is, in fact, nothing more than…

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Jerkburglars

Elden Ring Player Insists on Using Unique Build, Still Ends Up as a Strength-Faith Bonk Lord

April 30, 2025Adam West0 comments

In what can only be described as a groundbreaking discovery in the fields of self-delusion and predictable outcomes, local Elden Ring player Greg Henderson declared his intention to create a…

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Jerkburglars

Gamer Gets Stuck in Character Creator for So Long, Refund Timer Expires

April 23, 2025Adam West1 comment

Virtual Identity Crisis Hits Hard In an event that blurs the line between dedication and digital imprisonment, local gamer Jake Patterson found himself yet again ensnared in the infinite possibilities…

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Jerkburglars

Fallout 4 Player ‘Just Looting One More House’ Now Carrying 7,000 Pounds of Junk

April 16, 2025Adam West0 comments

In a display of unparalleled endurance and an apparent lack of spatial understanding, Wasteland wanderer and devoted loot enthusiast, Jake Aspinwall, has reportedly amassed a truly mind-boggling 7,000 pounds of…

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