Tag: Crysis

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Gaming Satire

Jerkburglars

Local Parents Blame GTA for Son’s Refusal to Have a Bath

November 3, 2026Dan0 comments

A local couple have identified the unlikely cause of their son’s refusal to have a bath: Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

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Jerkburglars

“Deep Lore” in Multiplayer Shooter Revealed to Be Just Three Sentences on a Loading Screen

May 14, 2025Nerd Guest1 comment

[Silicon Valley, CA] – In a shocking bombshell to gamers everywhere, it was unveiled today that the highly-anticipated backstory of the latest multiplayer shooter is, in fact, nothing more than…

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Jerkburglars

Elden Ring Player Insists on Using Unique Build, Still Ends Up as a Strength-Faith Bonk Lord

April 30, 2025Adam West0 comments

In what can only be described as a groundbreaking discovery in the fields of self-delusion and predictable outcomes, local Elden Ring player Greg Henderson declared his intention to create a…

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Jerkburglars

Gamer Gets Stuck in Character Creator for So Long, Refund Timer Expires

April 23, 2025Adam West1 comment

Virtual Identity Crisis Hits Hard In an event that blurs the line between dedication and digital imprisonment, local gamer Jake Patterson found himself yet again ensnared in the infinite possibilities…

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