Ah, Resident Evil 5, where do I even begin? Picture this: it’s a crisp Friday night, I’m armed with snacks, cozy in my gaming lair, ready to dive back into some nostalgia with an updated revisit of Resident Evil 5. Having fond, albeit slightly foggy memories of playing it on my trusty PS3 years ago, I thought, ‘Hey, let’s take a stroll down memory lane!’ But now, with fresh eyes and perhaps a less forgiving patience level, I find myself thrust into a horror much more terrifying than any zombie apocalypse. Brace yourselves, fellow gamers, because Resident Evil 5 is back on my screen, and it’s as baffling as those hideous vest-wearing mutations it unleashes upon an unsuspecting world.
Back in the day, I remembered having fun with it—or at least some semblance of entertainment cobbled together by the thrill of cooperative gameplay and the excuse to shoot creatures borne out of humanity’s greatest fears. But let’s not beat around the proverbial bush; those memories aren’t exactly drawing tears of joy today. Nostalgia is a tricky beast, and Resident Evil 5 seems to have been encased in rose-colored glass thicker than a bulletproof Umbrella Corporation window.
Let’s talk about gameplay. Imagine my surprise when, instead of walking into what I hoped would be a spine-tingling narrative rich with atmospheric tension, I found myself in what can only be described as a generic shooter with some Resident Evil-flavored sprinkles on top. I mean, if I wanted to play a game about chainsaw-wielding maniacs that lack cohesion and scare factor, I’d probably hit up my dusty old Gears of War discs and call it a day. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good shooting spree as much as the next keyboard warrior, but where’s my dose of heart-stopping, horror-soaked storytelling that the franchise is known for?
In retrospect, comparing Resident Evil 5 to what came before it feels like putting the live-action Death Note adaptation in the same league as Okja. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how we veered off the delightfully sinister path paved by those claustrophobic hallways of the original, or the groundbreaking genius of Resident Evil 4—seriously, did they swap out their development team for a group of marauding crows pecking aimlessly at keyboards? That would certainly explain some creative choices.
As I trudge through this bizarre installment, solo adventure-style, I’m reminded that I still have Resident Evil 6 looming on my horizon. This is supposed to be the ‘coup de grace’ of the convoluted train wreck—a bonafide escalator malfunction in full speed, so I’ve heard from various corners of the Internet. Yet, as a dedicated fan, if somewhat masochistic in spirit, I plan to barrel through this gaming fever dream to reach the promised lands of Resident Evil 7 and beyond, where salvation—or at the very least a compelling storyline—awaits.
But for now, here I am, knee-deep in a game that’s part Jumanji board game re-run, part identity crisis, wondering if the Umbrella Corporation herself would approve of the chaos. So, fellow gamers, send snacks, and maybe a little patience too, because this nostalgia train is making a pit stop in Crazy Town, and I’m steering right through the detour sign like the reckless, zombie-shooting renegade I am.
